In the next few introductions that I will draft I am trying to include new techniques to make it better. In the three new introductions I will try to include statistics, history, and procedures. When I include the statistics I want to show the reader how many cookies America eats and other eye popping stats. With the history part i want to try to explain how the chocolate chip cookie came to be. Lately with the procedures ill explain the steps we went through during the taste testing experiment.
Chocolate chip cookies are the most delicious, original, and best snack to have! They are made both chewy and hard. There are so many different brands to choose from it is hard to choose your favorite. When someone says chocolate chip cookies I think of Chips Ahoy! Before this experiment happened I thought Chips Ahoy was my favorite. That quickly changed. Many of the cookies got the reaction of, “EWWW!” Some however were very good and tasty. In the year 2004 there was 11,295.6 million dollars in cookies sold in America. This number has increased in every year since 1985. In 2010 Chips Ahoy made $313,683,800 in sales. Warm and straight out of the oven is the best way to have any cookie.
Chocolate chip cookies are the most delicious, original, and best snack to have! They are made both chewy and hard. There are so many different brands to choose from it is hard to choose your favorite. Ruth Wakefield invented chocolate chip cookies in 1930 at the Toll House inn she and her husband Keneth ran near Whitman, Massachusetts. Like a bed and breakfast she made food for her guests. One evening in 1937 she got the idea to make a chocolate butter cookie so she broke up one of the bars of semi-sweet chocolate that Andrew Nestle gave her. She thought that it would mix together with the dough & make all chocolate cookies. Needless to say, it didn't. However the cookies came out decent so she served them. They of course were so good they had to be done again. She published the recipes in several newspapers and the recipe became very popular. When someone says chocolate chip cookies I think of Chips Ahoy! Before this experiment happened I thought Chips Ahoy was my favorite. That quickly changed. Many of the cookies got the reaction of, “EWWW!” Some however were very good and tasty. Warm and straight out of the oven is the best way to have any cookie.
Chocolate chip cookies are the most delicious, original, and best snack to have! They are made both chewy and hard. There are so many different brands to choose from it is hard to choose your favorite. When someone says chocolate chip cookies I think of Chips Ahoy! Before this experiment happened I thought Chips Ahoy was my favorite. That quickly changed. During the experiment we each took a cookie that was the same brand. Then we all tried the cookie and the same time. After that, we each said what we thought about the cookie and had a little conversation about it. We did this same process for each of the brands. Many of the cookies got the reaction of, “EWWW!” Some however were very good and tasty. Warm and straight out of the oven is the best way to have any cookie.
I like your third introduction the best for this paper. Its to the point and promises the reader what to expect, it doesnt include history which I think is a smart move, leave history in a different paragraph. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite introduction was the second. I thought this because It gives background information about the cookie while also introducing the experiment. I think that the facts about Ruth Wakefields accidental invention draws the reader in.
ReplyDeleteFreddy i think you need to go back and edit your introductions because many of the introductions have spelling errors in them, such as in the sentence in the first introduction you said, "There are so many different brands..." and forgot the word and in between your two statements so it sounds weird. I like your second paragraph when you added some history for the reader so they can get a background glimpse as to how chocolate chip cookies came about and how sales went for the cookies throughout. I like the third introduction the best because it was simple and to the point and gets the reader prepared for what you are about to present to them. I wish you had done different introductions though instead of just adding on to the chips ahoy and "EWW" statement. It wasn't bad though:]
ReplyDeleteFred, I really like the third introduction the best. However, I think it would be even better if you left out the results from the experiments (at least in the intro). Also, if you cut your intro down a bit more it would be more concise and it would keep the readers interest long enough for him to get into the actual paper. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteI like the third introduction the best because it hooks the reader by explaining how delicious a chocolate chip cookie is and when you describe what we did for the experiment it makes me want to read more.
ReplyDeleteHi Fred,
ReplyDeleteMore reflection here too.
Ms. Basko